Yesterday was my birthday and brought both happiness and sadness.
Happiness because I recieved many greetings and messages. As I consider myself to have quite a ”small” life, in that I have few people that I am close to, it was a nice surprise to see how many remembered me in person, on the phone and on Social Media.
I spent the day with a close friend at a Buddhist place of worship. Trying and failing to clear my mind of anything but my breathing in and out… It did however remind me of the many reasons I have felt an ever growing interest and affinity with the Buddhist faith.
I find it very hard to stay ”in the moment”, and even harder to let go of things. I hord experiences around me and build fortresses to stop any bad things from happening ever again… emotionally. Yesterday I again got reminded of the analgy of the river.
Essentially life is like a river. The water will change all the time, and the river may change it´s path, become shallower or turn into rapid falls, but still remain the river. Somehow this way of thinking helps me and I am slowly letting down my guard and unlocking my fortress doors. It really is all about being the best you that you have the energy to be at any given moment. The future is still unwritten and the past is already downstream. This does not mean that you should not have goals or aims, but if you focus too far ahead you will perhaps veer offf the path that could take you there.
When I was a little girl I spent many holidays with my Great Aunt Greta.
Greta´s house, the birthplace of my creativity 🙂
With no children of her own she lavished me with attention and love. Some days we would also do things with her neighbour, also with no children of her own. Imagine what a paradise this was for little me with these two ladies coking, baking, sewing or cutting paper dolls from magazines with me. Pure heaven, and the birthplace of my creativity I am sure.
Last December I drove past Greta´s house with my sister as we were on our way back from a funeral. Being the last time in the area we stopped to take a picture of the house where I experienced so much happiness and love. Yesterday I learned that the neighbour died just a few weeks ago and it makes me really sad. Sad that we did not stop to say hello. To introduce her to my youngest daughter who was with us in the car and is a spitting image of me as a girl. Sad that I did not stop to say thank you for some of the best memories I have. Still, in the river of life that moment is way downstream and I can not change what I did.
But I can take stock and learn and be a bit ”Buddhistic” about it. So, to all of those that remembered me yesterday. You made me happy and your actions added to the waterquality in my river. Thank You!
jeanettefagerstrom 